Thomas Erikson (Sweden, 1965) has written a book, “Surrounded by narcissists” (Planet) to alert us to the behavior of these people lacking empathy. With “Surrounded by Idiots” he achieved overwhelming success: more than ten million copies sold.
Why are we talking so much about narcissism lately? It’s everywhere.
I think it’s because it’s spreading. The myth of Narcissus has been around for a long time, but I think we are reaching pandemic levels. At first I didn’t want to write about narcissism, but then I started studying the topic and realized that it is a big problem, on an individual and global level. There is also something called collective narcissism. Social networks promote certain behaviors. Things move very fast now, and what you have at hand spreads quickly throughout the world. That didn’t happen before, but it’s just one of the reasons.
How do you define a narcissist?
He is someone who is focused on himself all the time, all year round. Someone willing to do almost anything to receive positive attention. They want to be appreciated and valued highly. They feel very deserving of praise and want to be on top all the time, no matter what they have to do to achieve it.
Aren’t we all a little bit?
I think we all have some narcissistic traits. Sometimes we lie, we don’t want to take responsibility, or we hide the truth because it is too painful or risky. But the narcissist does this regularly and, most importantly, does not feel bad about treating others badly.
So are they sociopaths?
It is a continuum. Some people have some of these traits, but it worsens until it reaches what I call psychopathy. Psychopaths are born, sociopaths are created. The more it spreads, the more serious it becomes.
Are you saying they lack empathy?
They don’t feel empathy. That’s why they can do what they do. They mistreat you, lie to you or steal from you, and for them it is your problem, not theirs.
Are these people born or made?
If we talk about clinical narcissism, it can be measured with brain scans. You can see specific patterns in the amygdala, for example, where they are shown to lack empathy. That is clinical narcissism, which affects approximately 1 or 2% of the population. But most narcissists learn this behavior, often because of the way they were raised.
Is there currently a “cult of narcissism”?
Yes, we promote this type of behavior. Social media is just one part of it. The speed with which these behaviors spread is astonishing.
Is it more common in the West or do you also see it in other parts of the world?
I think it’s more of a Western problem because we value individualism. In other cultures, such as in the Arab world, collectivism is more valued. So it clashes with our cultural values.
What is the “love bombing” you talk about in your book?
It is a manipulation technique that some narcissists use to advance. They shower you with praise, gifts, and attention to catch you, but you are only a resource for them.
Are there more narcissistic women or men?
I think it’s pretty fair, but traits can manifest differently. Women can be more subtle, while men tend to be more aggressive.
Who is most likely to be a victim of a narcissist?
Someone with low self-esteem or who has had bad luck in life. Someone who is a little naive. Being naive is not a virtue, it is a curse.
Can they change with therapy?
In Sweden they tried to treat narcissists and psychopaths in the 70s. It only made them worse, because they learn more tools to manipulate.
How do you handle a narcissist in life?
I watch them and then walk away. I don’t want them in my life because I value my mental health.
What if you can’t walk away? If it’s your boss or your son?
If it is a narcissistic boss, I recommend changing jobs. You’re not going to change him.
Which current political figures do you think are narcissists?
Trump is an obvious narcissist. Putin probably is too, although he is too controlled to be psychopathic.