Anger is rarely the result of a specific event, but rather it is the brain itself that ends up fueling it. Despite This type of reaction is usually associated with impulsive people. or strong character, the truth is that the tendency to anger has more to do with personal interpretations and previous experiences. Therefore, it is important to understand its origin to learn how to better manage conflict and improve emotional well-being.
Well, not all people react the same to a certain situation. Some manage to appear calmer, while others tend to be irritable or even angry, although this may seem disproportionate. A behavior that, far from demonstrating a strong character, what evidences is a lack of understanding of one’s own emotions and the possible triggers for these.
As well explained Sonia Diaz Roismentor specialized in anger management and conscious communication, to La Razón, “Two people can experience exactly the same situation and react in completely different ways.”“However, the reason for this fact is not found in the event itself, but in the personal interpretation that has been made of the situation.
Anger arises in response to a loop of negative thoughts that feed it
“When talking about anger, it is easy to look for an explanation outside. We get angry because someone has spoken badly to us, because our partner has done something again that he knows perfectly well that bothers us.” Nevertheless, The brain is only analyzing the situation and creating its own perception.generally attributed to a negative intention on the part of the other person and not to more neutral and realistic explanations.
For this reason, comments the writer of the book ‘And if I get angry, what?’, repetitive thoughts appear such as “He did it on purpose”, “if he always does the same thing” or “he doesn’t care what I think.” Something that, although it is a natural behavior of the brain with which it seeks to protect itself, the truth is that it can be counterproductive and cause a more impulsive and negative response to a conflict.
“Sometimes we are convinced that we are reacting exclusively to what just happened and we do not realize everything we have told ourselves. It’s a kind of elevator music that’s there, playing in the backgroundalthough many times we don’t even pay attention to it,” explains the specialist in emotional management. Therefore, it is important Identify these types of looping thoughts and learn to cut them off..
Well, they are not only negative when it comes to responding to a problem or conflict that involves other people, but also for emotional well-being. One of the most common examples in the work environment, one of the ones that generate the most stress for people, is the phrase “When you can, stop by my office”. Given this information, the worker may interpret it as something negative and assume you have made a mistakewhen it is possible that it is simply a routine or even positive matter.
It is important to focus attention not on the fact, but on the personal interpretation
What makes the difference between this predisposition, or not, to negative interpretations is personal experience. “From our history, from what we have learned, from previous experiences, from our expectations and also from the ideas we have been building about how others should behave with us,” develops the expert.
Therefore, it is important to learn to detect these thoughts before assuming your own interpretations. “We tend to focus all our attention on what others do: what they say, how they say it, or what they should have done. And We pay very little attention to what we have thought about it“explains Díaz Rois. While, precisely in this issue lies an enormous opportunity “to get to know each other and learn to respond differently“.
The recommendation of mentor and coach Sonia Díaz Rois is to ask yourself the following questions: “What happened to make me angry? And what am I telling myself about what happened?“. Reflecting on the event that caused anger will help people learn to manage it better and ensure both their emotional and physical well-being.