There are conversations that disappear upon retirement. That of the colleague who asks about the children, that of the coffee before starting or that of someone who asks for help to solve a problem. These are meetings that perhaps were not given much importance, until they are no longer part of the day. Some people miss that contact even when they have been wanting to stop working for years.
At home they can have company, plans and a good relationship with their family. Still, they feel like something is missing. Loneliness does not depend only on how many people are aroundbut also of the ties that are maintained and the place that one feels one occupies in them. Sharing life with your partner or seeing your grandchildren does not necessarily reproduce what the professional environment provided.
Rosana Juarez addresses this situation in an article by Mente Sana Psicología about loneliness after retirement. In it he explains how the end of the work stage can alter the way one recognizes oneself, in addition to changing schedules and reducing daily contact with other people.
Missing work after wanting to quit
Wanting to retire and later missing some parts of the job are compatible feelings. You can be tired of getting up early, of commuting or of pressure and, at the same time, enjoy solving a task or sharing worries with colleagues. When you retire, all that changes at once.
Therefore, the question of what to do with so many free hours sometimes falls short. There may be enough activities to fill the day and still lack someone to discuss them with. Or you may miss the feeling that others have our experience, even if you no longer want to take on the responsibility of a position.
This is not a reaction that all retirees experience. There are those who find relief from the beginning and those who need more time to get used to it. Nor does feeling alone allow us to conclude that someone has lived exclusively to work or that they do not know how to rest.
When the profession weighs on the way you see yourself
For much of adult life, work serves to present oneself to others. We say what we do and that answer tells something about our knowledge, our responsibilities and the environment in which we operate. After decades of using that reference, leaving it behind can be disconcerting.
Juárez points out that the professional role can sustain an important part of identity. When it disappears, some people have difficulty recognizing what interests them outside of it. Maybe they put off hobbies for years or their friendships became too tied to work.
In this context, resting can generate unexpected discomfort. Those who were used to measuring the day by completed tasks may feel that a morning without obligations has been a wasted morning. Having time and feeling comfortable with it do not always come at the same time.
However, attributing all loneliness to the lack of habit of resting would leave out the loss of relationships or routines that also accompanies this transition. Each person needs to identify what they miss before deciding how they want to organize their new life.
Recover contact outside of working hours
A practical difference is that many relationships previously did not require make plans. It was enough to go to work to meet the same people. After you retire, maintaining that contact usually requires a call, a proposal or an arranged meeting.
Among the ideas that Juárez collects are meeting a friend regularly, recovering deferred interests or participating in workshops and community activities. Sharing a hobby can facilitate conversations with people you don’t know yet. Maintain links with former colleagues It also allows you to maintain valuable relationships beyond the position you held.
That does not require filling every gap in the agenda. The author distinguishes between feeling isolated and enjoying moments of chosen solitude. Reading at home, taking a walk or spending a quiet afternoon can be pleasant when they respond to what you want, instead of being experienced as the only option available.
The process also does not have an identical schedule for everyone. The author recommends seeking professional help when discomfort persists and signs appear such as a marked loss of interest in what was previously enjoyed or recurring feelings of hopelessness.
To start organizing the day, it can be useful to recover something specific that you have missed. Calling that colleague with whom you spoke daily or returning to a hobby allows you to check what you want to keep from your previous life. and what do you want to dedicate your time to now.