People’s feelings and reactions are generally nothing more than the brain’s response to a certain stimulus. There are people who, due to their life history, tend to get angry more easily, But, unlike what is believed, this is not related to a strong character, but rather to having that overly trained reaction, as he well explained. Sonia Diaz Rois for La Razón.
However, feeling angry can also be a result of personal frustration in the face of self-demandas the mentor and coach specialized in anger management indicated to this medium. “Sometimes we are not just bothered by what others do, but by what they allow themselves to do.“, he pointed out, and in the face of this stimulus, the brain begins to generate a series of thoughts that end up fueling the response from anger.
According to the author of the book ‘And if I get angry, what?’, those people who tend to postpone your rest until all your obligations have been completed They tend to feel irritated when others do not act like them. People who do not get upset and leave obligations aside to rest first and continue them later or who, when faced with a mistake, They don’t spend much of their night thinking about it about how they could have done it better.
This reaction “may be pointing out something that we would like to do and that we are not allowing ourselves to do”
This type of behavior, so relaxed and, apparently, carefree, usually generates a feeling of annoyance and anger in those with a more self-demanding attitude. However, as the coach explains, they do not usually stop to think why their behavior bothers them so much, but “It may be pointing out something that we would like to do and that we are not allowing ourselves to do.“.
To help understanding, the emotional management expert provides an example quite common among couples who arrive home after returning from their vacation destination. “One comes home and is able to lie down on the couch and rest. On the other hand, the other runs to unpack, put on a washing machine, pick up and leave everything organized before being able to relax for a moment. And while he goes from one place to another, he begins to get angry when he sees his partner there so calm.“.
Although at first it may seem that the anger arises from the couple’s lack of collaboration, it also may be the result of internal frustration seeing that, while one allows oneself to rest after a long trip and regain energy to be able to resume the routine; the self-demand of the other doesn’t allow you to relax until you’re done all your pending tasks.
This type of anger is quite common in self-demanding and responsible people.
Therefore, the specialist’s biggest advice is to stop and think and ask yourself the true origin of that feeling of anger and discomfort: “Am I just angry that that person is lying on the couch? Or also that he is allowing himself to rest when I feel like I still can’t do it?“. A simple act of reflection that will help not only manage anger, but also give a response from maturity.
As he explains, responsible and productive people usually have these types of reactions when they see others.s take your time to do a taskno matter how simple it may seem. A behavior that usually generates thoughts that fuel angerlike “I could wake up a little” or “I don’t understand how you can live with so much parsimony.”
However, here the mentor asks a question for this type of people: “What if what really moves you is seeing that that person manages to do the same thing without so much stress?“So we would not be talking about anger generated by the behavior of a certain person as such, but because”is allowing ourselves to live in a way that, deep down, we would also wish for ourselves: go slower, rest, leave something pending for tomorrow and live without every second having to be hyperproductive.
“In these cases, anger may be telling us something about ourselves,” Sonia Diaz Rois
Although, as you remember, this does not only occur in the case of organization and time and task management, it can also occur in other types of situations such as: observing someone capable of establishing limits for those around them or who does not have problems socializing. “In these cases a contradiction may appear: ‘I want that too, but I’m not allowing myself to‘”.
Precisely from this contradiction arises the feeling of irritation that ends up turning into anger when not having known how to stop negative thoughts that the brain has begun to recite repetitively. For this reason, the coach remembers the importance of learning to identify this loop of thoughts and cut it. And, in the process, maybe they will learn something about themselves.
“In these cases, the anger may be telling us something about ourselves to which until that moment we had not paid attention,” says the expert. Indicating that it may be time to stop and reflect on what has truly generated this discomfort and, perhaps, begin to apply it. “Maybe we need a cable or, simply, stop always trying to get to everything,” explains Sonia Díaz Rois.